


My Wasted Heart

by Fanforthefics (StormDancer)



Series: Hockey Tumblr Oneshots [17]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Pining, Relationship Negotiation, Taylor is a mess but he's working on it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 12:04:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15218777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormDancer/pseuds/Fanforthefics
Summary: Taylor loves Jordan. That's never been an issue.Taylor's not sure what he thinks about Jordan's new boyfriend. That might be an issue.(or, the Love Actually triangle, solved)





	My Wasted Heart

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: things you said when we were on top of the world. 
> 
> Unbetaed and basically unedited. I know even less than usual about these characters, so canon issues are especially likely. 
> 
> Don't know anything about anyone, these aren't real people, don't own rights to anything, etc etc. Enjoy!

There is no one in the world Taylor loves more than Jordan Eberle. 

It’s one of the truths of his life, and has been for years. It lives just below Taylor’s chest bone, right around the place where Jordan slings his arm as he collides into Taylor, attaches himself to him. “Taylor!” 

“Jordan!” Taylor yells back. Jordan’s grinning, his smile as bright as the ridiculous tinsel New Year’s tiara that Taylor had made him put on as soon as they got to the house party. He’s clearly as drunk as Taylor is, which is pretty drunk. It’s great. It’s almost the New Year, and Taylor’s living his dream, with a job and friends and the best friend anyone could ask for and Jordan right there next to him flushed and smiling. 

“You need to meet someone,” Jordan says, and then Jordan’s tugging someone forward with his other hand. He’s as tall as Taylor, with the sort of ageless face that means he could be anywhere from 18 to 40, and he’s pretty hot. “This is Ryan. Ryan, this is Taylor, he’s the best.” 

“Hey,” Ryan says, smiling. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

Taylor gives Ebs a confused look. “How long have you known Ebs?”

“An hour?” Jordan says, with a look at Ryan, who nods. “An hour! But a good hour.” 

“He talked about you a lot,” Ryan says, which given that it’s only been an hour is saying something. And given that–well, Taylor knows more than he’d like about what Jordan looks like when he’s gotten laid or looking to, and he’s seen his lips kiss swollen before–Taylor doesn’t think the whole hour was spent talking. 

But like, good for Jordan. Jordan’s not really a hook up guy, usually, but he’s drunk and happy and pressed into Taylor’s side and that’s how Taylor likes him, so he smiles at Ryan. If he’s good enough at sucking dick to make Jordan happy, then he’s okay in Taylor’s book. “Good to meet you!” he yells. It’s getting louder in here–the TV’s coming on. It’s ticking down to midnight. 

“Fuck yeah!” Jordan cheers, and Taylor joins in. On Jordan’s other side, Ryan’s cheering too, counting down. “Best way to start the new year!” 

“Best way!” Taylor echoes, and then it’s 3, 2, 1, and– 

“Happy New Year!” he cheers, and then Jordan’s there, and he’s pressed up onto his toes to kiss Taylor square on the lips. 

Taylor reels, staggers back, out of the kiss. He hadn’t been expecting that. 

“Happy New Year, Hallsy!” Jordan yells, grinning the gap toothed grin Taylor’s loved for years. “Gonna be fucking sick!” 

“Yeah!” Taylor agrees, still trying to process Jordan’s lips and how they’d felt, and then–

Jordan turns to his other side, and grabs Ryan, and kisses him too, the same quick hard press. “Happy New Year!” 

“Happy New Year!” Ryan cheers, and glances over Jordan’s shoulder at Taylor, who’s staring at them. He can’t help it. “You too.” 

“Yeah,” Taylor agrees again. Then he swallows, and smiles, and steps forward so that he can drape himself over Jordan’s back. “Ebby, I want another drink.” 

“Me too! Ryan?” 

“Yeah, I could have one,” Ryan says, and Taylor starts to nudge Jordan in the right direction. They almost fall over, because Taylor’s enough taller than Jordan that it’s uncomfortable and they’re both pretty drunk, But Ryan catches them and sets them upright. Yeah, Taylor thinks, giving him a high five in thanks. So what if now he knows what Jordan’s lips feels like. It’s going to be a fucking sick year. 

///

Taylor wakes up in his bed, feeling like something died in his mouth. It’s not the worst way he’s woken up after a night getting that drunk, especially New Year’s, so he’ll take it. He drags himself out of bed, down to the bathroom, where he dunks his head in the shower and brushes his teeth so at least he can breathe without feeling nasty, and then stumbles down the hall towards where he can hear something thumping in the kitchen. 

Sure enough, Jordan’s standing there in front of the stove, and it smells like coffee and pancakes and Jordan’s shirtless and then he turns to give Taylor a sleepy, hungover smile. “Coffee in the pot,” he says. 

“I love you,” Taylor tells him, because he thinks it’s never been more true. Jordan laughs and goes back to cooking, and Taylor pours himself coffee. 

It takes half a mug right at the counter next to the coffeepot, but Taylor does begin to feel human, and to actually be observant. And when he does–”Shit, Ebby,” he whistles. “Someone got laid.” 

Jordan chuckles, rubs at his neck self-consciously. But it’s not like anything’s going to cover up the bruising on his collarbone. It’s–really fucking hot, honestly. If Taylor had any brain power, it might be an issue. “Well, actually–”

Footsteps, and then Taylor’s not really surprised to see Ryan come into the room. He looks more put together than either of them, but in a way that makes Taylor think it’s just that he’s not comfortable stumbling around in boxers in a strange apartment. In the light of day, away from the party, Tayor can see that he’s hot too, especially with messy sex hair. Go Jordan. 

“Um. Morning,” he says, yawning. 

“Morning,” Jordan and Taylor echo together, and then Jordan goes on, “Coffee in the pot by Taylor, if you want it.” 

“Yes please.” Ryan heads towards the coffeepot, but before he gets there, Jordan snags him with a hand around his wrist. 

“Hey,” he says, his voice a little deeper. Taylor tries very hard to just pay attention to his coffee, but it’s hard, especially when Jordan reels Ryan in, and tilts up his head to kiss him. Taylor is definitely not watching that. However hot it is. “Morning.” 

Ryan smiles, surprisingly shy. “Morning,” he repeats. Jordan smiles back at him. 

Taylor takes a loud sip of his coffee. If it’s going to get weird, they should do it knowing Taylor’s there and he’s not moving until he gets his hangover breakfast. 

Jordan doesn’t react, but Ryan straightens, looking a half step away from guilty. “You can do whatever, just after I get eggs,” Taylor tells him. 

“If I don’t cook for him, he’d starve,” Jordan puts in, and Taylor flips him off. 

“Can you cook?” Ryan asks. Taylor snorts. 

“I can!” Jordan protests. 

“Some things.” 

“A lot of things.” 

“Like, three things.” 

“Well this looks great,” Ryan cuts in politely, and Jordan gives Taylor a smug look. 

“See? Ryan agrees with me.” 

“Yeah, I wonder why,” Taylor retorts. Ryan blushes, as Jordan rolls his eyes. 

“Or because I’m right.” He pokes at the eggs again. “Okay, these are done.” 

“Where are plates?” Ryan asks, turning immediately to the cabinets. 

“Over the sink.” Jordan directs him, and Ryan reaches above Jordan to grab the plates. When he puts them on the table, Jordan grins at him again, and it’s not his ‘thanks for sucking my dick’ smile, it’s a smile like the one that Taylor gets sometimes when he does laundry or gets Ebs that brand of cereal he loves from the store without being asked, and Ryan smiles back, small and sweet and pleased. It’s the first inkling Taylor has, seeing that smile, that this might mean trouble. 

///

Ryan sticks around. It’s not like Jordan’s never been in a relationship before. Jordan’s almost always in a relationship, actually, because he’s a serial monogamist. It’s never been an issue–Taylor’s been good friends with a bunch of Jordan’s exes, really, because they’re around all the time and what’s he supposed to do? So he’s fine with Jordan being in a relationship. 

Ryan’s just–he’s  _boring_. He’s nice, and he always says hi to Taylor and he fixed his bookshelf once when Taylor was at his wits’ end and he always makes enough food for Taylor when he cooks and, most of all, he doesn’t question the fact that Taylor’s not moving or making space, but he’s–he’s quiet and serious and Taylor doesn’t get it. 

“I don’t see what you see in him,” he says, after Ryan leaves one day. He and Jordan had spent the day on the couch, Jordan reading and Ryan on his phone, not talking; Ryan’s head in Jordan’s lap and Jordan’s fingers in his hair. Taylor had gone to the gym, come back, run some errands, come back, and watched a movie in that time. He’s getting fidgety just looking at them. 

Or–maybe that’s something else, because when he came out to talk to Ebs–not Ryan, because Ryan was quiet the whole time–he couldn’t quite look away and couldn’t look straight at where Ebs’ fingers were brushing through his hair. Taylor knows what that feels like; it’s his favorite thing when he’s got a headache and he can make Jordan really fuss over him. Ryan’s hair is longer than Taylor’s though, silky smooth. 

But also. Aren’t they bored? Isn’t Jordan bored? Jordan takes a little bit of nudging, but he’s  _fun._ He tells Jordan, this, and Jordan laughs. 

“A quiet day can be fun,” he points out. Taylor’s skeptical, as he slides into the place Ryan left. 

“That quiet?” Taylor shakes his head. “He doesn’t talk, Ebs. He’s always so–uptight.” 

“Around you,” Jordan informs him, smiling a little–fond. Of Ryan or Taylor, Taylor can’t tell. Taylor thinks about being annoyed and doing something to get Jordan’s attention, but then he goes on, “He’s nervous around you.” 

“Why do I make him nervous?” Taylor’s not an intimidating person, he doesn’t think. He’s big, but Ryan’s not much smaller. 

The look Jordan gives him makes it clear how ridiculous he thinks that question is. “Because he knows you’re my best friend and no one’s opinion matters more to me other than like, my mom?” 

“Oh.” Taylor grins. It’s not like he doesn’t know it, but he likes to hear it. 

Jordan shakes his head, but he’s grinning too, a little red. That’s more emotions than they usually do. “Anyway. You really should get to know him. You’ve actually got a lot in common, I thought you’d really like him.” 

“I don’t think I have anything in common with him.” Taylor’s like, twice as loud as him. He doesn’t like to read. Or sit still. 

“Hallsy.” Jordan turns on the couch to face him, and he looks serious. “I really like him, okay? Please don’t make me choose.” 

Jordan doesn’t ask Taylor for things often. Taylor’s always known that, been careful of it; Jordan’s a giver and Taylor could run right over him if he’s not careful. It means that whenever Jordan asks him for things, he’ll do his best to give it to him. 

“I’ll try,” he agrees, and that gets him a smile from Jordan. Then– “You’d choose me, though, right?” he asks, needier than he wants to be, but unable not to ask. 

Jordan chuckles, shakes his head, and shoves at Taylor’s head. “Yeah, Hallsy. I’d always choose you.” 

Taylor’s known Jordan for a long time. He can tell when Jordan’s lying. He’s not lying now. But he doesn’t sound as happy about it as he could. 

///

Taylor’s not someone to go back on his word, so the next time Ryan’s chilling in the living room and Jordan’s not there–he ran to the store or something, Taylor doesn’t know–Taylor plops down on his side of the couch. 

“So,” Taylor starts. Then he can’t think of anything else to say. 

Ryan looks up. Taylor really can’t read him at all. He’s so  _serious_. “Is this where you give me the shovel talk?” 

“What? No.” Taylor backtracks. “Have I not done that yet? I thought it was assumed. I mean, Jordan could beat you up on his own if you do something shitty,  but yeah, of course.” 

Ryan’s lips flicker into something like a smile. “So–what, then?”  

“Ebs wants us to be friends,” he says, because that’s one thing they have in common. “So. We should do that.” 

Ryan nods. Taylor’s not often at a loss of things to say, but Ryan’s not giving him anything. “So,” he says again, because he feels like he should say something. 

“Look,” Ryan says, suddenly. “I know how important you are to Jordan. I’m not trying to replace you, or displace you, or anything.” 

“Like you could,” Taylor mutters. People have tried to do that before. It never works out well for them. 

Ryan’s smile is a little off, maybe sad, or maybe wistful. “Maybe not. But–I like Jordan a lot.” He looks down at his hands, like he’s embarrassed at the fondness in his voice when he says Jordan’s name, and Taylor can fuck with anyone who talks about Jordan in that tone. “I’d like us to be on the same side.” 

“Keep liking Jordan that much, and we are,” Taylor tells him, which isn’t quite true, but is close enough. 

“I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.” 

“Awesome.” Taylor pauses, then. “So, do you like–I mean, what do you like? Other than Jordan? If we’re going to be friends, we need something.” 

“Um.” Ryan’s eyes flicker, like he’s trying to figure it out. “Hockey?” 

Taylor laughs, mainly out of relief, and Ryan’s lips curve up too. He’s got a nice smile. “Yeah, that’ll work.” 

When Jordan gets back, they’re watching highlights reels on YouTube, and Taylor’s yelling at Ryan as Ryan snaps back despite how wrong he is, and Jordan pauses for a second in the doorway, watching them. 

“You can keep him,” Taylor tells Jordan, loud enough for Ryan to hear. “Even if he’s wrong about the Devils.” 

“I’d like to,” Jordan agrees. He walks over to the couch, and Ryan tilts his head up as he leans down to brush a kiss over Ryan’s lips. Taylor looks down at the screen. “Why is he wrong about the Devils?” 

“I am not wrong,” Ryan protests hotly, and Jordan grins at Taylor in a way that he knows means  _thanks_. 

Taylor shrugs back, and Jordan’ll know that means  _you’re welcome_ and  _i would do anything for you_ and  _I guess he’s cool._

///

Ryan, Taylor discovers, is pretty cool. Even as he gets comfortable with Taylor he’s quiet, and a little serious, but he’s got a sly sense of humor and he’s actually always down for Taylor’s wilder ideas even when Jordan’s telling them that they’re going to get killed. 

It’s easy to fall into a routine with them. Ryan’s there all the time, and it’s nice because he’s a helpful person and also because he’ll gang up on Jordan with Taylor and he pays for a third of dinner and play video games with them. It’s sort of like just having another roommate, except for how when they’re on the couch sometimes Ryan’ll be in Jordan’s lap, or in the mornings Taylor’s occasionally walked in on them kissing, Jordan up against the counter with his hands on Ryan’s ass and Ryan pressing in, apparently everything in him focused on drawing the little breathy moans out of Ebs that he does when he’s turned on. On good days, Taylor just clears his throat when that happens, and they’ll break apart, Jordan making a face at Taylor like he’s mad at ruining his fun, Ryan still flushed and a little apologetic. On bad days–on bad days Taylor turn around and goes back into his room before they see him. So sue him. He’s been in love with his best friend for years and now he’s hooking up with a hot guy, yeah Taylor’s going to be turned on by it. 

But most of the time, it’s the three of them, except for how Ryan goes back to Jordan’s room at night, and Taylor goes into his room alone. It’s good. Taylor’s probably never liked anyone Jordan’s been in a relationship this much. 

And he and Ryan hang out sometimes too, just the two of them. Maybe it should be weird, but it isn’t; Jordan sometimes gets fed up with them and sends them out so he can ‘do adult things, seriously guys?’ or Jordan’s busy and they want lunch or Jordan’s just not interested in what they’re doing. That’s fun too. 

So Taylor isn’t disappointed or anything when he gets to the bar and Ryan’s the only one there, sipping at a beer, his lips red around the next of the bottle. “Jordan running late?” Taylor asks, as he slides in. 

“I guess so.” Ryan glances at him, then gives him a second look. “You’re dressed up.” 

“Yeah, we had this meeting today.” Taylor immediately shrugs out of his suit jacket, starts to loosen his tie and then rolls up his cuffs. That done, “I need a drink.” 

Ryan had been looking back down at his beer. “Then go get one.” 

“Nuge…” 

“Go on,” Ryan tells him, and Taylor heaves a sigh as he gets back to his feet. 

“Ebs would have gotten it for me,” he informs Ryan. 

Ryan shrugs. “I’m not Jordan,” he says, lifting his eyes up to Taylor. His eyes are very bright in this light, and it’s giving him that weird, fey look that he gets sometimes, like he’s older than his body. 

“Yeah, I don’t have to bend in half to see you,” Taylor agrees, and Ryan snorts as Taylor goes to get a drink. 

He orders at the bar, then heads back to their table. Ryan’s still alone there, on his phone. His hair’s falling over his face a little, and he looks good. If Taylor were here alone, if he were, Taylor might try to pick him up. 

It hits Taylor like a truck, that thought. He would. God, Ryan’s hot and funny and nice and sweet and he would try to pick him up and he’s Jordan’s fucking boyfriend. 

Ryan looks up, as Taylor gets back to the table. “You okay?” he asks. Taylor nods. He’s feeling shellshocked. Now that he’s seen it, he can’t unsee, all the parts of Ryan he’d like. 

“What did you do to Hallsy?” Jordan asks, appearing next to them. Like usual, he leans in for a quick peck from Ryan, and Taylor–he’s spent a long time not watching those so he wouldn’t get jealous because of Jordan, but now he looks at how Ryan kisses Jordan and thinks about it. 

“Magic,” Ryan replies promptly, and Jordan laughs. It lights up his face, like always, that stupid gap-toothed smile that Taylor’s been basking in since he was a kid, and–that’s still there too, like how Jordan’s knee presses against his thigh briefly as he slides into a chair, a silent check in. 

Taylor nods. Jordan’s eyes narrow–he doesn’t believe Taylor–but he doesn’t push it, not here. Good. Taylor doesn’t know what he’s doing. He  _can’t_. He can’t be into Jordan’s boyfriend. 

“So, how was your day?” Jordan asks that table. 

“Taylor’s was important,” Ryan says, and Taylor starts to talk, because he can always do that, and it’s easier than looking at Ryan’s neck and his shoulders and his cheekbones or Jordan’s eyes or the fall of his hair or his arms. 

He can stop this, Taylor thinks, as they head home. They’re all shoved into a cab, Ryan in the middle, and he’s a hot line against Taylor’s side, listing over onto Jordan’s shoulder. Jordan’s hand is in his hair, and Taylor can’t not wonder what that feels like. Jordan looks up over Ryan’s head. 

“Hey,” he says. “I wanted to say. Thanks for putting in the effort with Ryan.” 

“What?” 

“I know you got off to a rocky start, so–thanks for figuring it out,” Jordan says, so earnest, and Taylor’s stomach twists. He’s a horrible person. He’s a horrible friend. There’s nothing in the world he wants more than to make Ebs happy, always, and he can’t stop the butterflies in his stomach as Ryan mumbles something and flops over onto Taylor’s shoulder instead. 

“For you, Ebby, I’ll put up with him,” he says instead, and Jordan chuckles. Taylor means it though. He’ll deal with this. Maybe it’ll be gone in the morning. 

///

It’s not. Taylor comes into the kitchen to see Jordan at the stove and Ryan just leaning on the counter next to him, drinking coffee, both of them in just sweats, and Taylor can’t help looking. Jordan’s hand drifts over Ryan’s stomach as he reaches for something, and Taylor–he wants to be able to do that, that easy touch. 

“Hey,” Ryan says, looking up to notice Taylor not staring definitely not staring. “Morning.” 

“Morning,” Taylor agrees, his voice hoarse. “I’m going to–gym.” 

“Want breakfast first?” Jordan asks, and Taylor shakes his head. He can’t be here. 

“Okay,” Jordan hums, his brow furrowed in concern, and Ryan’s eyes are narrowed as Taylor definitely doesn’t run away. 

It’s the only solution, he figures, as he throws his shit into a bag. If this came on because he spent too much time with Ryan, then he has to stop spending time with him. Then he’ll stop, and he’ll be able to be friends with Ryan, and friends with Ebs, and everything will be okay again. 

Except–it doesn’t. Taylor tries. He starts making excuses not to hang out with Ryan on his own. He stops hanging out in the living room when he and Ebs are there, spends more time out and in his own room. If he’s not with them, he can’t see–he can’t want. 

It’s different from Jordan. Taylor’s been more or less in love with him for years, but he’s never been jealous of Ryan. He wishes he could kiss Jordan, but he and Jordan are solid. He’s never really wanted anything more than his relationship with Ebs, just with more kissing and touching each other’s dicks and maybe like, 3.5 kids; whatever Ryan has with Jordan doesn’t intrude on that. But–he sees Jordan with Ryan, and it feels like envy, and he hates it. He wants to have what Jordan has, and he doesn’t want to want it, and it curdles in him and if he doesn’t see it he can’t want it. 

///

He manages his avoidance for almost a month before Ryan finds him in the kitchen. Ebs is still in their room; Taylor can hear him moving. Ryan’s dressed in a v neck that’s cut low over his chest and there’s all this skin that Taylor can imagine sucking marks into, like Jordan that first morning. 

“Hey,” Ryan says, careful. 

“Hey.” Taylor’s maybe a little too loud. 

“Look.” Ryan crosses his arms over his chest, bites at his lower lip. Apparently, he’s trying to kill Taylor. “I just wanted–have I done something wrong?” 

“What? No.” That’s definitely not the problem. 

“Just because–you’ve been weird lately, and Jordan said you haven’t been here as much, and you haven’t been hanging out with us.” Ryan’s watching Taylor, even. “If you’re mad about something.” 

“I’m not,” Taylor snaps, and stalks over to the fridge. 

“Taylor.” It’s Ryan’s serious voice; Taylor looks up. “I said it in the beginning–I love what you and Jordan have, and I don’t want to get between it. If I’m intruding too much on your time, or you feel like I’m–”

“Don’t be stupid,” Taylor laughs, a little wildly. That is definitely not the problem. 

“And I didn’t–um, make you uncomfortable?” Ryan’s a little red now. Ryan has made Taylor very uncomfortable for the past few weeks, for a number of reasons, none of which are Ryan’s fault, and none of which Taylor can think of that would make Ryan blush. 

“No.” Taylor takes a gatorade out of the fridge. “We’re cool. Is that all?” 

“Yeah,” Ryan answers, his eyes still steady on Taylor, and Taylor makes his escape before he does something really stupid. 

///

Still, he’s not surprised when later that night, there’s a knock on his door. “Hallsy?” Jordan asks. “Can I come in?” 

Taylor sighs. “Yeah,” he calls back, and Jordan comes in. He looks soft and bed ready, in sweats and a soft t-shirt that Taylor actually thinks might be his, and god, Taylor loves him in every way there is. It’s almost comforting, knowing that hasn’t changed. 

Taylor draws up his legs so Jordan can sit down on the bed. “So…” Jordan nods to himself, clearly steeling himself to talk about it. “What’s been up with you lately?” he asks. 

“Nothing.” 

“Taylor. Ryan’s convinced he like, mortally offended you. You’ve been avoiding him.” 

“I’m–”

“Taylor,” Jordan cuts him off. “Is something wrong?” 

So much. “No.” 

“And Ryan didn’t–he’s worried he offended you.” 

“How would he offend me?” 

“I’m not sure.” Jordan’s hand reaches out, settles on Taylor’s ankle. They’ve sat like this countless times throughout the years, just the two of them. “I thought this was over, but–do you not like Ryan?” 

“I like him.” Oh, does he. 

“And you don’t–we’re solid, right?” Jordan’s eyes settle on Taylor, horribly empathetic. “Nothing should come between us, and not Ryan.” 

“Yeah,” Taylor agrees, quickly, but Jordan’s known him too long. 

“Taylor.” 

“What?” 

“Just–” Jordan sighs, and he looks a little defeated as he runs a hand through his hair. “I told you, I don’t want to choose, but if everything keeps on like this–”

“No!” Taylor sits up straight. If Jordan chooses, someone’s going to end up hurt, and Taylor doesn’t want any of them to hurt. He wants Jordan to stop sounding like that. “No, Ebby, you won’t–just give me a little time, and I’ll be over it, and then it’ll go back, I promise.” 

“Get over what?” Jordan demands. “You are mad, did–”

“I”m not _mad_ ,” Taylor retorts, and it shouldn’t give anything away, but Jordan knows him down to his bones, and his eyes widen. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” Taylor swallows. “I won’t–I’m not going to let it get between us, I promise, I’m working on it, and–he’s your boyfriend and I’m not trying to do anything about that, I swear, I wouldn’t.” 

“So you what, have a crush on Ryan?” Jordan doesn’t sound mad. He doesn’t sound anything. 

“Something like that. But I can handle it!” Taylor insists. He’s up on his knees now, so he can really make his point. “I’ve been handling this for years, I’ll figure it out and–”

“You haven’t known Ryan for years.” 

“Not with Ryan,” Taylor says. Jordan’s eyes go wide. 

“Wait, you’ve been into someone for years and you didn’t tell me?” 

Taylor laughs, because what else can he do. “That’s what you’re focusing on?” 

“Right now, yeah. Who is it? Do I know them? Why haven’t they gone out with you yet? Are you okay, that’s got to suck–” And Taylor adores him with everything he has, and it comes out of him, unbidden–

“It’s you.” 

Jordan pulls up short. “What?” His eyes are massive and so very blue. 

Taylor shrugs. “It’s–I love you in a lot of ways, I guess.” 

“Oh.” Jordan looks more than a little shellshocked. “You do?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh.” Jordan runs his hand through his hair. “And that’s not why, you aren’t mad at Ryan for–”

“Nothing you and him are doing changes anything between you and me,” Taylor says, more sure than anything. “But–I’m not going to do anything to hurt you, Ebby, you’ve got to believe me, so I’ve just-I’ve got to stay away, and I’ll get over Ryan, and then it’ll be okay again, I promise.” 

“Oh,” Jordan says a third time, and stands up. Taylor scrambles to his feet too. 

“We’re okay, right?” he demands. “Jordan, I swear, it hasn’t been anything weird, I haven’t been weird, it’s just–it’s not a thing–”

Jordan blinks, and then he’s here again, and he smiles, and steps forward so he can hug Taylor. “We’re always good,” he murmurs, as Taylor folds himself thankfully into his arms. “I’ve just got to think about this, okay? But we’re solid.” 

“Okay,” Taylor mutters into Jordan’s neck, and gives him a final squeeze before letting go. 

///

Sure enough, the next morning Jordan doesn’t treat him any differently when they both end up in the kitchen for coffee. He just smiles, gap-toothed and sleepy, and knocks their shoulders together as he leaves. “I’m going to Ryan’s,” he says, and Taylor swallows. But–they’re solid. And Ryan–Taylor will figure that out. 

He goes to the gym, does some work, watches TV. He and Ryan and Ebs have been working through Game of Thrones, but he avoids that to watch reruns instead. Jordan’s still not home. He hasn’t texted Taylor either. Neither has Ryan. What if…

 It’s late when the door opens again, and Taylor looks up to see Jordan come in, followed closely by Ryan. Ryan’s face is unreadable as ever, but Jordan smiles encouragingly at Taylor. 

“Hey,” he says, and Taylor nods. 

“Hey.” 

“So.” They both walk over to the couch, but neither of them sit down. They’re holding hands. Taylor can’t help but look. But Jordan’s still smiling. “I talked to Ryan, about what you said.” 

“Ebs!” Taylor yelps, and sits up straight. He turns to Ryan. “I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean to make it weird–on either end, I guess. I’m not trying to break you two up, I promise, I–” 

“Do you really think I didn’t know you loved with Jordan?” Ryan interrupts. Taylor can feel himself go red. “I think Jordan was the only person who didn’t know that.”

“Hey.” 

“No, he’s probably right,” Taylor admits. He’s not subtle. 

“I told you. I think it’s nice. Sweet. How much you two love each other.” Ryan’s gaze on Taylor doesn’t waver. 

“And the other thing?” Taylor asks. “I’m sorry, I told Ebs, I’ll rein it in, I won’t make it weird, if you guys want to hang out at yours for a while I get it, I–”

Taylor’s cut off by Ryan’s lips on his, and for a second Taylor savors it before he’s shoving Ryan off. “What the fuck, dude?” He demands. His lips are throbbing, but– “Jordan’s right fucking there, what are you doing, you can’t–”

“It’s okay,” Jordan says, but he’s grinning so fondly at Taylor, and Ryan’s looking very pleased. “We talked about this.” 

“About what?” 

“About how I really like you too,” Ryan says. He sits down on the couch, still holding Jordan’s hand, still watching Taylor. “How I thought I made you uncomfortable because you caught me looking. And how Jordan might have been an idiot and not noticed how you felt, or that was a possibility, but now that he knows…” 

Taylor barely dares to look up at Jordan, but he does. “Jordan?” he says. Asks. Tries not to ask. This can’t be one of the things Jordan gives him because Taylor asks. Not when–god, this is everything Taylor wanted, on a golden platter in front of him. “Really?” 

Jordan looks nervous, but sure as he nods. “Really. We think–we’re best when all of us are there. So, if you want, we think we could all–” 

And then Taylor can’t wait anymore, he’s been waiting literal years for this, and he grabs Ebs’ shirt and tugs, and Jordan stumbles laughing onto him on the couch. 

“Hallsy,” he complains, grinning. 

“Shut up, we could have been doing this for so long,” Taylor tells him, then he grabs him and kisses him like he’s been dreaming about. It’s a first kiss, so it’s awkward, but it’s easy in that awkwardness–they know each other’s bodies, they know each other, and Taylor is falling into it, fast and hard. 

“God, you two,” Ryan breathes next to him, and Taylor breaks away. Jordan’s eyes are dazed and Ryan’s are burning and Taylor is lit up from the inside out. 

“Welcome to my past few months,” he says, and Ryan smirks. 

“Let’s fix that, then,” he says, and comes in for his turn, kissing Taylor long and deep, and Jordan’s hand is in Taylor’s hair and his weight is steady on Taylor’s thighs, and Taylor grabs them both with a hand and holds on tight. 

**Author's Note:**

> Liked it? Want to talk about it? Comment or come chat on [ tumblr!](http://fanforthefics.tumblr.com/)


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